Date: Tue, 7 Aug 2001 10:07:59 -0400
From: Anthony Ortenzi 
To: president@whitehouse.gov
Subject: Concerns...

Dear Mister President,

I'm writing to you because I have thought of a problem which the world
faces, and I'm not sure people are working on the solution. I think the
earth hangs perilously in the balance. I'm not one of those nutjob
environment freaks. I didn't vote last year because I never registered to
get an absentee ballot in London where I was living, but I assure you that I
am indeed a citizen of the United States. If I had voted, I surely wouldn't
have voted for either of those nutjob environmental freaks you ran against.

Anyway, my concern is about Snapple.

The Snapple people claim that Snapple is made from the "Best Stuff on
Earth". They also claim to be all-natural. If they're using all natural
"Best Stuff on Earth" and not replacing it, we might run out. One solution
might be for them to switch to making synthetic "Best Stuff on Earth", but
then they'd have to stop being all-natural. I don't know that they'd go for
that. Has anyone checked to see if they're replanting forests or whatever
they need to do to make sure that we're not going to run out of this "Best
Stuff on Earth"?

Oh, and another thing. I think you might want to tell the FDA to make sure
that if they are indeed using up the "Best Stuff on Earth", that when they
finish up what's best, what used to be second best becomes the best. If
they're not replanting, and we keep running out of the best stuff on earth,
the quality of Snapple keeps going down. I think that's bad, and we need to
watch them.

Personally, I'm thinking of switching to Evian, but as a patriot, it hurts
me to think that I have to switch from an American beverage to a French one
for safety reasons.

Please advise.

Regards,
            Anthony Ortenzi